Its back! I haven’t been thinking about things I’ve been grateful for in a day because life’s been to shitty and I’ve been to lazy and all that. Shame on me. But today someone triggered it and I decided to pen them down over the week.
Three Things I’m Thankful For:
- Nisal spoke to me on the phone and said “Nik I miss your positive energy, come back soon.” And just awwwwww. That’s such a nice thing to hear when you’re away… it makes thinking about going back not so yux. Plus my last few days in KL I was so moody and stuff…
- Today I was upset that these group of people told my friend he was weird for having out with someone like me. Then my friend came to me and said “I would rather be friends with you than them” and I felt so touched over these quality friends.
- Another friend’s appreciation for my presence, was a real pick me up. Makes being away from family not seem so bad. Also makes me feel like I’m not so that weird and am capable of being funny bc she said she told me she hadnt laughed so much in a while bc I was away. Compliments are always welcomed (-:
“You’re gonna perpetually be in the state of mind of a being teenager, where you’re analysing every single action that you take and hating yourself, even though nobody really cares” – Anna Akana
Indeed Anna, indeed.
What a timely time for this video that Anna Akana posted on Youtube just 5 minutes ago.
Backstory: Basically, there is a group of seniors that I always notice in the library, and for some reason I’m always looking in their direction so it seems like we always catch one another’s glance but we’ve never spoken. So today, unsurprisingly, they were in the library again but this time, one of my friends was sitting with them. SO, I went up behind him and gave him a scare before carrying on my merry way back to my seat. Then I found out that those seniors that I keep having awkward eye contact with, thought that I was freaking weird. Or rather, they think my that senior friend is weird for hanging out with me. And for the next hour + in the library I sat there replaying that cringe worthy moment where I went up and ‘boo’ed my senior friend and walked away laughing, and how they must have been like wtf. And man did I feel awful thinking that these group of people thought I was weird.
3 hours later, I’m sitting here wondering why the heck I care what these people think of me? Like who are they to judge me when they don’t even know me? Then I ask myself, why am I am bothered by them having this impression of me. Do I think they’re cool – no. Are they in any way superior to me – no. Does their existence have any impact on me – no. Are they Beyonce????? NOOOOO. So who are they to judge the kind of jokes my friends and I have. Right????
So, I shall stop feeling this cringey feeling and let it go.
Today I was asked what I want for my birthday. Make up? Clothes? Stationery?
“What are your desires? What you want, not what you need, Nik.”
I want to be better