0

Away

In this moment, I wish I wasn’t here.
I wish I didn’t have to deal with these emotions.
I wish I was in my bubble, safely tucked away in Malaysia, away from the reality of my actual life.

 

1

Restricted

It’s starting to annoy me that I don’t have the freedom my fellow 97-liners do. Having to walk on egg shells before I ask for permission to go out. Waiting for the right time, the right mood. Adding the fact that I’m only here for less than 2 months. PLUS getting the response “idk, i just want to say no” when asked for the rationale behind my confinement.

Maybe one day when I’m older I’ll understand why I’m being put through this ordeal just to go out at night..but for now I just want to go out and be able to make my decisions. Obviously I’m not going to go out every night, come home at 4am every day….

I just… ugh

im twenty

0

Money Doesn’t Buy You Freedom

Slowly everything pieced together, all the lies, all the cover ups.
All this while, you were keeping me in the dark, painting fairies and butterflies around me, being the good cop and never the bad cop. You painted this illusion to hide your secrets from me. Except they weren’t mini secrets, but your entire life.

3 thoughts ran though my mind:
1. You aren’t the person I thought you were
2. For so many years I worried that I didn’t know you enough and the day you pass away, I wouldn’t know which suit you’d want to be put in. Now I know, there’s someone else who will know
3. Everyone else knew. Everyone else except me. They knew the real you, that I didn’t know. All those parties you said weren’t happening…did they really not happen or did someone else go in my place

I scoff at myself for only realising after more than a decade. Props to you for being such a great liar.

I sent a picture of my swollen eyes to my friend and she asked what I was allergic to…IM ALLERGIC TO LIARS.

What you’ve done, and haven’t done for me, ugh idk. It will never be enough,  it will never make up for you lying to me after all we talked about on being secretive, it will never make up for the time you didn’t spend with me, it will never make up for the effort you didn’t spend on me..as you should have,  but you abdicated your responsibilities and chose your own happiness over us, over me.