I don’t even know where to begin. I guess it started when I decided to sit beside him on the second day of lectures even though I (judged him when he sat behind me at lecture on the first day and was talking about his cat’s bleeding ass hahah) thought he was a little too loud and random to be friends with. But anyway, we were put in the same OG after me over hearing his cats tragedy and played orientation games together that night.
The more we talked, the more I realised how alike we were. We were practically on the same wavelength. We laughed at the same things (like bad grammar) and whenever I wanted to make a comment about something, he’d say it just before I did, in the exact same way I voiced it in my head.
He was a really great pal and fetched me to and from the mall when I had to run my errands and we’d sing in the car. He got parking at Covillea so he’d walk me home at night. And I remember this moment very clearly: putting my hand on his arm and saying that this is the start of a great friendship.
Not that it can’t be a great friendship, but its just that now, we can’t journey together because he’s a senior in Sem 4. Its not like we won’t see each other around or can’t hang, but the amount of time we’ll get to be together is definitely going to be significantly lesser than it couldve been if he was in Sem 1 with us.
I was so ready for Rachel, him and I to journey together on this IMU adventure. And was truly so thankful to have them as friends here. Celebrating his birthday at Inside Scoop, just the 3 os us, solidified it. Writing our message to him on the board, engraved it. (lol so trivial right, but that meal was rly special to me). Going back to school with him driving, Rachel in front and I, at the back. This warmth transcended over me, and I just idk…felt like a family. But now, the fact that he’s a senior…it changes things.
During the performance night after Rach told me something was up with him and he sent a very serious text, I got worried and spent half an hour trying to look for him. But long story short, he said he was somewhere else with someone else and that he’d text me later. So I went back in and the performance started. They revealed the pseudo juniors in the different groups one by one, on stage. 3 of the people from our group revealed themselves as seniors. And this entire time, he was texting me, being all shocked and shit.
Then I realised all these people were in black hoodies, and for some reason, he tied his hoodie around me a while earlier. 90% of me knew he was a senior by then but I still clung on to the 10%. I really really clung onto it. But then he went up on stage and my heart dropped. It literally felt like my heart was getting crushed and I broke down.
And now I can’t. I can’t be around him like I was before. I can’t talk to him the way I did before. I can’t joke with him like before. And its all because of the difference in semester. It really shouldn’t matter but I don’t know why I’m so affected. And it sucks.
Every time I think about him walking onto stage and turning around, I’m just upset -not at him, not at the system but at the fact that he’s a senior and that for now, I can’t be around him and be happy.
I’m sure this will pass, and a few weeks down the road, I’ll see him walking around school and run up to hit him or smth (i really hope it gets better) but for now…its as if he’s a complete stranger to me even though he’s essentially the same person. All because of the difference in semester.