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For what you take and what you give

Today I realised…when people didn’t have handphones and weren’t surrounded by all this technology, they really had to keep to their word. If they arranged to meet at ‘this time’ at ‘this place’ on ‘this day’, they jolly well be there at that time, that place on that day. There was no ‘suddenly no feels to go out’.

Why do we keep taking for granted time spent with friends nowadays. It seems like people want to meet, plan, and then suddenly everything falls through and they end up not getting to bask in one another presence.

And I do this too!!! (shame on me) Like today, I COULD stay for dinner, I SAID I’d stay for dinner…but I ended up reconsidering my decision and whether I should leave when people started leaving…like what even???

Anyway, today was a good day…paddled in the morning (k4 feels were real man, even though strokes didn’t feel the same cause jam wasn’t the front man and our rhythm was off….but paddling is still paddling), had lunch w my mum and met up with the canoeists again to hear all about their army stories.

Then it was time to part and I said “see y’all soon” and chew and adilah both said (at diff times) “next week next week”…and it was then I realised…this is the effort we’ve all been talking about to remain close even after canoeing ends, to remain close even though we all start different chapters in our lives.

 

Love is our essential nutrient. Without it, life has little meaning. Its the best thing we have to give and the most valuable thing we receive. Its worth of all the hullabaloo.

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Flower Power

What a colourful day it was yesterday. Celine and I went to Gardens By The Bay yesterday. BUT FIRST, we visited Denise at her workplace! P1110868

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After lunch, we too the MRT to Bayfront and when we came out, it was POURING. They shut down the shuttle cause of the lightning alert and we decided to brave the rain with one puny umbrella. 1/4 the journey it started to rain again and we had to run to a shelter. After about 10 minutes, it stopped raining and we left the shelter to take a photo on the bridge and RIGHT BEFORE HE CLICKED THE SHUTTER BUTTON, RAIN DECIDED TO FALL AGAIN. ( I didn’t get that bridge photo…..)

So anyway this continued, us running to shelter then the rain stopping, and us leaving the shelter only to have it rain again…… but anyway, we made it to the flower dome and here are pictures of the colourful flowers (-: P1110872IMG_3483P1110886P1110895P1110881P1110897P1110939P1110923P1110947

 

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thx cel for yesterday

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Omg what a bitch

I’m going to apologise here because I’m too much of a wimp to say it to your face. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to tell you, but for now it shall remain here.

I’m sorry for being a bitch and shooting you down before anything even happened. We could’ve just been good friends. But I felt we didn’t click and I wasn’t ready to put in the effort to work the friendship out because I had so many things going on and this whole process of self discovery. (lolol I make making friends so melodramatic and difficult)

And to this day it haunts me how I handled this whole thing and how I might have (idk) hurt(?) you…..

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The Truth Behind Your Cold Heart

I went the extra mile for you. I offered you food because the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  We took the lift together to save time. Even when I knew you wouldn’t be around, I looked to the edge of the row where you’d usually be, or around the library even though you rarely stayed back to study. But you never appreciated the things I did for you. Me giving you food wasn’t being seen as ‘this girl is being nice to me’ it was more of ‘yay free food’. I was there for you when you were momentarily depressed, but I’ll appreciate myself on your behalf.

Because you don’t care, you never did. Even though what seemed like signs of affection to me, was nothing to you. Nothing spectacularly special because I wasn’t special to you. You say we’re close friends, but I’m just one of the many you’ve bro-zoned. It really is a one-sided friendship turning into a one-sided crush. I guess everyone is your close friend then.

im not okay with you choosing yourself 

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High

High, I was high on you.

But I crashed to rock bottom at the end of the day.

I don’t know how many more of these rollercoasters I can take in a lifetime.

a. Yknow? Those days you have so much fun you forget every shitty worry you had. Then people leave, you’re home alone and you realise you’re back in reality and just so many shitty things to worry about. Bliss is always so momentary. Sober bliss is like an oxymoron.

b. In my head, its all good. Then you go ahead and break my perfect impression of you, and it sucks to know you don’t care. Then its like someone hits refresh and I think we’re all good again. Sometimes I get a piece of news I want to share and the first person I think of is you. Then I realise you won’t care…..idk I’m so confused.

 

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Thoughtless Thoughts

~ why do I keep looking out for you when I know you won’t be there

~ am I rejecting the idea because I’m scared of rejection or has this plan started to become seemingly unrealistic

~ everyday it feels like the shroud of ‘uncomfortable’ vibes falls over me and i don’t know when it will end

~ this is supposed to be the best time of our lives but all there is is uncertainty and fear

~ I’m scared