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Misconception

are you abusing yourself up there again?

way to go. that is how you deal with this situation. what great misconceptions you have. how interesting, it makes me want to do more of it when it was never even a thing.

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Don’t Go to War for Me pt1.

Don’t go to war for me
I’m not the one that you want me to be
Don’t call me up at 2 a.m. tonight
It feels so damn good and I wish you would

Are we just gonna stay like this forever, floating
I’m serious, my heart is furious
Cause I’m so confused when we’re together
Feels like I’m choking, these emotions
I know I’m gonna let you down
So don’t hold your breath now

Bittersweet in your mouth
Can you stomach the doubt?
I wish I could say what I’m feeling
I’m scared to let these words out

And don’t cry no more for me
Don’t waste your time convincing me
That maybe someday we’ll get it right
Cause we never could, I wish that we would

But we won’t, so just don’t
We won’t, so just don’t
But we won’t, so just don’t
Don’t

he said to me….

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The Coldness of Your Heart

You went the extra mile for this innocent soul. You gave her your food even when you weren’t full because you saw she was still hungry, you brought her around to so she could wake up later. Even when you knew she wouldn’t be around, you looked out for that red bag, or that brown hair that wasn’t even brown because her dye-your-own-hair-kit had failed her. But she took you fore granted, always thinking you’d be at her beck and call.
Thanks for looking out for her, even though she didn’t ask. Thanks for being there for her when she was momentarily depressed.

But silly you, she doesn’t care. She never did. Even though what you did seemed like signs of affection to you, to her it was nothing. Nothing spectacularly special because you weren’t special to her. She claims you’re close friends, but not really. Maybe its a one-sided friendship turning into a one-sided crush. Maybe every one can be her close friend.

im not okay with you choosing yourself 

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The Girl with the Beer

Despite the inebriation, her mind had never been so clear. Being intoxicated gave her the courage to ask questions that has been extra baggage since the last they spoke. She knew it was wrong, but she had to know. She knew it was wrong, but she had to voice what was on her mind.
Foolish girl.
Now she knew the truth, and she couldn’t live in her fantasy of hints and what ifs…
But what the beer did do, was give her closure and a peace of mind.
somewhat 
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
Close your eyes and think about that boy. Tell me how he makes you feel. Let your mind tract over his tired shoulders. Allow your thoughts to linger on that beautiful smile. Take a deep breath and try to put those dark thoughts aside. For once, let go of the reins you’ve wrapped so tightly around your heart. I know you are scared. Who could blame you? Love is a hurricane wrapped inside a chrysalis. And you are a girl walking into the storm.
 
– Lang Leav
(quote from Kristine’s blog)
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Jealousy

It hits you, right in your heart and its like the emotion etches onto haemoglobin in your red blood cells, as the molecules of oxygen do, and courses through your blood vessels, releasing itself into any area deprived of this emotion. Having abstained for so long, your body cannot help but begin to convulse.

Every rational thought seems to disappear and the part of your brain that processes thoughts appears to be paralysed by jealousy, accompanied by anger and sadness as well.

A vicious emotion that inhibits your regular routines. Suddenly, all you crave is his attention. Suddenly, you find yourself being desperate. Suddenly, you despise everything around you.

And slowly, you start to hate yourself because all you’re doing is eating yourself from the inside..and no one will ever know.

“When you feel like crap because someone has got something you want, you force yourself to remember how very much you have been given. You remember that someone else’s successes has no bearing on your own.
There isn’t a thing to eat down there in the rabbit hole of your bitterness, except your own desperate heart.”