Ok so the post I’ve been drafting for really long is taking longer than expected bc so many things have been getting in the way like MID YEARS …so short one today that was totally unplanned for…
To elaborate on what I want to share with you, I have to first tell you about a pussy moment that happened just now(haha)… I was watching the chinese 9 o’clock drama with my mum and it was the last episode. So yknow, last episode, all the EMOTIONS overflowing. Anyway, Tay Ping Hui and Xue Zhi got married bc Xue Zhi had a tumor and she was gonna die but Tay Ping Hui fei chang fei chang de ai ta so he proposed and they took wedding photos…then she died in his arms at a park (cue broken pearl necklace of tears).
Last 2 minutes of the show, Tay Ping Hui was telling us how everyone was doing after 3 years, then he stared at the wedding photo and smiled and talked to her so happily and like CUE THE WATER WORKS, idk I started bawling.
I realised I haven’t felt such sadness in quite some time. I’ve been so caught up with Mid Years and feeling stressed that I’ve blocked out this emotional receptor. For so long its just been anger and stress (is this an emotion??) as I studied, occasionally meeting a few friends and happiness kicks in for a bit, that when this sadness hit me, it felt so foreign. It felt strange to have my heart ache, not from strenuous exercise (ha ha), but from feelings. Like how do you love someone so much, it doesn’t hurt? To envision your future without the one you love. Or like knowing someone important in your life is gone..forever..you’ll never hear their voice, get their opinion, ask for advice, or just talk.
This isolation from face to face human interaction has also set in. Haven’t seen friends in forever, I feel like I’m in my bubble again. hmm ok…emotions are strange but its nice to know I still have them.
whew that was unsettling, but its off my chest. Time for bed. Goodnight x.