Spent the 16th of May on a yacht with the zoo and my parents. My dad compiled the videos we recorded and made a vlog ahahahaa. Jet skiing at the end was really fun except we capsized and kayaking and mega floating. BBQ was really yummy too. Yay ok it was a great day.
Its not like I don’t care but I guess my actions aren’t really living up to what I say. Got my life organized and it’s in shambles again. Sleep at 1, sleep in class, don’t do my work, bring the wrong notes, snap at people and I can’t get my shit together. And everytime I think of the root of the problem I just feel like giving up.
This week was supposed to be good and exciting and amazing and fun but it really is just stressful and frustrating and ugh.
Been waiting for this week all year, planned it for so long, the anticipation was through the roof but now I just can’t wait for it to be over and to get on w life and not have anything and ):
she used to think all it took was a little love,
guess that’s not true
she knows she’ll never be the apple of his eye,
she knows she’ll never be the stars up in his sky
she won’t waste no time thinking about you anymore
she won’t waste no time talking about you anymore
(lyrics btw, so cheesy but songs very nice heh)
Not ready for the next weekkkkk… SPA on tuesday and thursday. New tuition on Tuesday, Friday tuition changed to Wednesday. Shivers shivers shivers……On the bright side, seeing the zoo twice next week
“She was too quiet or too loud.
She took things too seriously or not seriously at all.
She was too sensitive or too cold-hearted.
She hated with every fibre of her being or loved with every piece of her heart.
It was either all or nothing.
She wanted everything but settled for nothing.”
be the girl who exuberates confident,
but too much confidence exudes a boisterous personality
be the girl who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself, who fills the room with joyous laughter,
but unrestrained laughter is perceived as unattractive
be the girl who isn’t afraid of profanity,
but suddenly she has a disgusting foul mouth
be the girl who’s comfortable in her own skin,
but then is ostracized and classified as ‘the weird one’
be the girl who is affectionate,
but misinterpretation makes her a slutty sexual predator
be the girl who is honest,
but crushing their inflated egos is their worst nightmare
be the girl that is kind to everyone, without a selective display of care,
but her effort goes unnoticed and unreciprocated
be the girl who fights for what she believes in,
but then she becomes annoying and rigid
They also said that there are a set of qualities that guys look for in a girl. Can love and feelings and all that bs be classified into the Top 10 qualities men want in girlfriend?
Its hard to visualize yourself on the spectrum of bros to girlfriend material. Its hard to be yourself in this condemnatory society. And in this journey of self reflection, its difficult to change yourself into someone that fits everyone else’s mould. How do you be the girl you want to be when theres type of girl you should be?
I can’t help but feel suffocated every time you start going on about the most trivial things and not to mention all the restrictions. But maybe thats how the juniors feel. Why do we keep pumping them every training when they make such minor mistakes. Its all for the greater good? Used to get so worked up every time you started your nagging and scoldings and getting angry at me, but looking at it through us pumping the juniors all the time, I kind of see where you’re coming from. And one day, maybe I’ll be a better person – the person you expect me to be.
Hello reader, its been a while. April has been a crazy month, it just hit me that we had nationals last month, i.e. everything that we were training for is over. i.e. canoe is over. i.e. theres nothing else to do but study. Right back from nationals we had CAs and shit so it was pretty hectic and I’ve neglected this blog. Been having quite a few post ideas but they were all less than substantial propositions that would barely be cohesive if I were to draft them out. ANYWAY instead of attempting to crap a seemingly sophisticated opinion out of a weak viewpoint, let me tell you about APRIL!
We had nationals during the 6th to 9th, (you can read about it in my other posts). Really miss having to train everyday. Miss how my body used to feel so tired but so accomplished. Miss the team, and even though we study after school almost every day…it doesn’t feel the same. In other news, plan to still run every Tuesday morning with Margey and Edwin. Speaking of Edwin, find it v amusing that despite being teammates for more than a year and staying so near each other, its only after season has ended that I go home w him more often. But anyway ya….miss canoe ): but post comp dinner tonight!!
Haven’t been seeing the jiemeis much because everyone has season/syf etcetc. Kinda miss that one time we went to eat prata…kinda miss everyone too but feel like we’ve grown apart a little bc we all have friends outside this circle. But really glad to have these people as my first few friends in AC.
Also in this months news, I TRIED TO BAKE. What an ordeal omg. Baking is really not my thing….but ok made cookies from scratch but they taste like the betty crocker ones..meh
Overall I rate April a 7/10 because got to know people more (depth > width), had time to reevaluate life choices (but actually haven’t done much about anything zzz) and ok ya…hope May is even better (-: