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I’m Gonna Miss You

Today has been too good a day to not blog about….

Its been a while since majority of the team was done for double session and quite a while since we’ve been burnt this badly. Really miss december trainings (tbh don’t know how i survived that shit), reaching macritchie every single day, going for team lunch before double session, not having to worry about anything other than canoeing. Idk how I hit 7/8 out of 9 trainings almost every week but 11/10 wud do again.

I’m gonna miss the:
gathering at the shed at 8,
starting our morning run,
finishing the run and changing to our slippers,
getting our boats and launching.

I’m gonna miss the:
scorching sun on my arms,
the sets coach gives (that my brain usually cannot process while he’s instructing us),
seeing the buoys at the end and whacking 100% even though your arms are tightening,
the fatigue once you cross the line and get to stop paddling,
the frustration from a half ass set,
the satisfaction when you felt like you pushed and you couldn’t have pushed any harder,
the blisters and aBRAsions,
the feeling when coach says pack up and you’re like fcuk yes torture is over,
but the gross feeling bc when you’re out of macritchie you return to the reality of school and family and etcetc

Time is passing to quickly, we don’t have much longer and feel very yucks about this because I don’t want this to end. Even though everything has been super tough, and some days you come home feeling so gross because of the training/ the people/ everythangggg, it’ll be an experience I’ll never be able to forget. (IT HASNT EVEN ENDED AND IM GETTING SO SENTIMENTAL NGAHHHHH)

seriously though, todays training was really good, the ache is real.

but all good things must come to an end

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Whats crackalackin’

Its been a while since the last update, how are you dear reader?
The weeks are getting crazier, but heres what happened the past month….(also, should I do these monthly updates at the end of every month? yay/nay?)

CANOE
Anyway, we last left of at us during the week leading up to the canoe marathon.
Thankful for best k2 partnerIMG_3348
Cramped dodgy lorry w edwin /chew but fun funIMG_3354IMG_3423
Team (-:IMG_3376 IMG_3417 IMG_3419 IMG_3420  IMG_3426 IMG_3452
Plus other random team moments…I realise we hang out ALOT. Not seeing them for 2 days makes me feel funny. Cant imagine what it’d be like after season )-: but I guess all good things must come to an end IMG_3686IMG_3701IMG_3768IMG_4654IMG_4807

BIRTHDAYS
Evans birthday was really good Zoo timeIMG_4163
Ians birthday was fly gross but much funIMG_3804
Ruth’s birthday consisted of me stepping on her (bc she’s basically my emotional support system in sch)IMG_4516
Edwins birthday for some reason gives me a warm fuzzy feelingIMG_5279

PLUS OTHER RANDOM EVENTS yeeee

hmm ok sorry this may have been a dreary post, but finding it super hard to find any time now. Please pray for better time management and friendships and relationships and grades ngahhh

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New Year New Me 2.0

Theres still time to salvage everything and make amendments bc new year AGAIN!!! Also, because haven’t really been living up to the old one. So here, New Year New Me new and improved version.

1. WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU DOESNT MATTER
This was in the other post but I think its one of the hardest to actually follow. Like literally, people are too self absorbed to care about you so that little embarrassing squeal that you released is not going to linger in that cute boys mind for more than 7 seconds. The world doesn’t revolve around you and usually you exist as a fraction of someones thoughts A VERY SMALL FRACTION.

2. SUNS OUT, PHONES in my pocket
I need to stop being on my phone 24/7. Its getting out of hand. Gonna try either airplane mode/ no 3G when I’m around company. (but I’m allowed to touch my phone once in a while in class, Aliff)

3. STOP BEING A HYPOCRITE
I get annoyed with other people for stupid things like blue-ticking me BUT I REALISED I DO IT TOO and I’m hiding behind my jailbreak functions because they don’t get to see me blue tick them. So even though I said less phone time, when I actually DO reply people, I need to really reply everyone properly and not be selective.

4. BE OBSERVANT
Jo, Evan and Kim are really good at observing and remembering the little details which makes them really good friends (and present buyers). I need to STOP DRIFTING and be more aware of the things going on around me. Like I know Matt is a C paddler but IS HE A LEFT OR RIGHT PADDLER?? (left, I checked last training – but only bc I thought of this post, if not I wouldn’t have noticed at all).

5. BE NICE, BE YOU
Hate it when people display favoritism and exclusiveness, and I can’t be like that either. So new resolution to be nice to everyone, no being mean to someone bc we’re not close. Used to live by “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you” but started to realize that no, why should I be mean to you just bc you’re a douche to me. Just be nice to everyone, if someones an asshole, then be the bigger person. You don’t have to be exceptionally nice to that person, don’t let him or her trample over you but ya be nice.
I met someone last year at the canoe welcome tea who I thought would be super prejudice but turns out she was supeerrrr nice and caring even to the weird me. But over the past year, she’s changed (or maybe she’s just revealed her true self) but she’s become more cynical, more judgmental and more arrogant….its a pity.

6. PRIORITIES
Family comes first. Sometimes I get so caught up with wanting to go out with friends, to maintain the relationships by being present at the outings that everyone else is at. Its true that if you don’t usually go for the outings, you tend to get distanced but ugh. Also, I promised the school all I would do is study canoe and study but don’t think Im really living up to it.

7. STOP TRYING SO HARD
JC is hardddd so many relationships to develop/maintain etcetc. Maybe I need to just go with the flow….dont really know how to go about this point but I just need to know I need to stop trying to be everyones puppy dog, buying them food/presents/granola etcetc. I know its not about me, its about making other peoples day, but if they don’t appreciate it then whats the point….doing them an injustice by feeding their ego.
Also need to stop being someone I’m not because if people like me for who Im not..will they ever like who I am? lol. Too bad if boring me doesn’t pique their interest. ( I say too bad but inside I’m gonna be like asfghdghjljk but I’ll try)

8. BE MORE FEMININE
Less swearing, more sitting like a girl…less trying to be one of the guys, more being..a girl haha

Ok I’ll end it here because I can’t remember anymore…is this too many things for a new years resolution? Whatever, the more the merrier, maybe I’ll add more if anymore pop up.

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Contented Mixed Feelings

I’m supposed to be happy with who I am,
to stop conforming to the ideals of others.
I’m supposed to be less sensitive,
because being the hypocrite I am,
the very actions I hate being done to me, I do to others.

I is who I is ??? Stop acting and behaving like someone I’m not? Weird then weird la, not funny then not funny la who gaf? But I do, igaf. I care about what people think, I want to be given attention. SUCKS, I disgust myself ngahhhh

ugh everythings going fine, but I’m over thinking everything and a potentially happy day turns out being so rubbish and ugh.

Totally phased out the ‘3 things I’m thankful for today’ thing I used to do. Revival?????

3 Things I’m Thankful For Today

1. You finding your way towards me
2. Dinner w mom at Nakhon
3. Conversations w u (this was actually ytd bc fk got nothing else)