I’ve never wanted anything so much

~than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Monday blues? Nahhhh, today has been a wonderful Monday. Breakfast with Denise AND MANAGED TO HAVE ENOUGH SELF CONTROL TO NOT EAT MACS. Lecture passed pretty quickly then FIRST TUITION LESSON.

I like to think I have a good sense of direction and not get lost. I didn’t!! The one and a half hours passed pretty quickly and found out there was a direct bus to macritchie!! what are the odds!!

Training was really good today too. The Nelo Connect and I are really CONNECTING. Wish the boat looked sexier though bc it isn’t as sexy as margeys nelo, jams mangosteen, weiqians accelero or my old Joline that chew has since taken over. BUT whats important is that I am not capsizing wewwww.

Starting to like water a lot more now, still very afraid of long distance that coach is gonna put us through but ENJOYING IT NOW. Also very upset that I’m gonna miss so many trainings. Its like you’re finally getting it, but you stop water training and when you get back its almost ground zero )-:

Anyway tomorrow is the kind of the last day of lessons and I’m feeling a bit lost. Excited for the upcoming holiday (no not really because study + training), sad I won’t get to see my classmates. Hmm…ITS THE START OF THE LINE UP OF AMAZING THINGS BOUND TO HAPPEN DURING THE NEXT 2 MONTHS.

We’ll see…

Staying in school till 6 to plan promo video // brunch with the class // met Jo coincidentally

IMG_9857 IMG_9885 IMG_9929


You Judgmental Bitch

I’ve always wondered how people manage to keep a smile plastered on their face every single day of the week. How, despite being vex and beaten by everyday circumstances, they continue to project positive vibes. How do I emulate this? How do I become antonymous of my current glum, self-righteous, morose self?

More often than not, we are so quick to make judgement. My easily irritable self would be the perfect example for this. If someone were to step on my foot, the first reaction that emerges would be a loud, sarcastic ‘tsk’. How could one be so oblivious to the presence of a whole being right next to them?  HOWEVER, if the person were to apologize immediately, conveying an essence of remorse for accidentally treading on my foot, those ‘bitch vibes’ that were so quick to surface, would vanish almost immediately. ‘Nice Nicole’ would appear. I mean, it was totally accidental right? Who would step on someone’s foot on purpose? The thing is, why wasn’t that my first reaction? Assuming the worst of people seems to always be the immediate fall back.

I have been wired into thinking that everyone and every thing naturally bears malice towards their surroundings that I too have become a part of this hostile environment. Or maybe this acrimonious behavior is not rife. But beyond that, I feel like this irrevocable cloud of guilt caused by my iniquity has led me to want to be a nicer person – for ‘bitch Nicole’ to desist.

I feel like if I were to just see everything from a different perspective, not get worked up so easily and trust that humans are kind by nature, everything would be so much better. Need to learn to appreciate people more and stop letting first impressions affect the way I treat people.


Today was different…

Today was different,
my face lit up after training along with my phone’s screen with your incoming message

Today was different,
initially I dreaded the thought of you but eventually I craved your attention

Today was different,
I felt so independent without you, yet so in need of your protection

Are we finally heading somewhere or is every day going to be the same? Are we ever going to deepen this relationship or remain forever stagnant? Are we just going to live by recounts of ‘today’?


More Than Us

I want to be more than friends,
I wonder what it’d be like if I had never met you

I want to be less than friends,
maybe everything would be easier if I never took the first step

I want to be more than friends,
enjoy the perks of US

I want to be less than friends,
I can’t afford the repercussions that come with US

Is there any further to proceed, any backward to retreat? Remain stagnant, shall we?

teenage soul, stop playing games with me 



PW is OVER. Its been 8 months of bickering and hating but it was also 8 months of learning and exploring new friendships. IMG_9759

J1 year is officially over, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. The sinking feeling that I felt during and after promos was supposed to end after OP but its not gone. It still lingers and I don’t know how to get rid of it.

I want to do so many things, I want to be so many things, I want so many things to happen but every thing I’m doing to make these things happen is backfiring.

But other than that, the few things that have lifted my spirit the past few days:
Ice cream with part of the classIMG_9774
Canoe tanks finally arrivedIMG_9801 IMG_9802