Everything’s a blur right now honestly. Its been a sucky past few days, and I don’t know whether its because I just got my period yesterday and all the PMS, DMS (during-menstrual symptoms haha) is getting to me or if there is some conspiracy theory going around and all the world has decided that all unfortunate events shall lay upon my shoulders.
It all started on Monday, when someone forgot to bring the yoga mat for PW. Its not that big of a deal forgetting the mat, but i don’t know why I was so irked that the hair on my arms was standing. Everything was just infuriating and I left my uniform and file in the pw room and had to run back (thank you Dick for helping me take it btw).
I wanted to talk to people but I couldn’t bring myself to have a conversation with anyone and I just wanted to punch everyone (sorry if I sat next to you and my face was black). Ran during my break on Tuesday and wow has my stamina and endurance dropped. yux, it sucked. Couldn’t go for training again on wednesday because of the chinese ca and realized I’ve missed almost 5 weeks of water training and )-: SLOWWWW. Everything just went downhill from the there.
As the week progressed, I got grumpier. And last night I tried looking for the sheet of questions I didn’t hand in for the math test and spent more than half an hour looking for it but it was nowhere to be found?? Gave up at 1am and tried again in the morning but no? But during math today I miraculously found it in my file and gave it to my teacher to mark. Found out that that sheet was worth 6 marks and ahdsfhagjkrghergh. Ms Su rejected me twice that day but idk why I didn’t go find Mrs Ng instead. AND if laziness was the reason at that point of time, I see her in class almost everyday! WHY DIDNT I GIVE IT TO HER?
After math I stayed in the classroom and broke down. WHAT, WHO THE HELL CRIES ABOUT MATH (evidently I do) and Celine said its just the build up of everything. And I just…ugh. I can’t even form coherent sentences. This whole blog post is punctuated with ‘and’s and ‘ugh’s at the end of sentences my brain can’t even complete.
So many other things to deal with outside of academics and classmates like teammates and training and I can’t deal with my emotions but who else is gonna control them other than me? Grow tf up Nicole.
I’m a mess, my mind is exhausted. I can’t keep track of anything and I’m literally living day to day. I keep forgetting things and I’m all over the place. Need to get my priorities right rn, focus and STOP FALLING ASLEEP IN CLASS.
ok enough wallowing in my shallow pool of self pity. If you’re reading this, thank you for reading this miserable blog post.
( grateful to everyone who tried to make this sucky week so much better )