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Fleeting Moments of the Past

“Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.” 

― Marc Riboud 

Such a depressing title for a jubilant post. We now live in an age where we disregard the possibilities of developing photos and hanging them on our walls, the closest we’ve come is – polaroids. Anyway, 

MONDAY was Racial Harmony Day! First time dressing up and realized how pretty sarees (saris?) are. Thank you SC1 for dressing up too. u guiz r da bestiest IMG_5975 IMG_5554 IMG_5534IMG_5559 IMG_5565 IMG_5571  IMG_5976

Tuesday was a good day, a v good day. Chem lecture group 2 canoeing people know why….sigh it was a good day. 

Friday it was time to go home. Founders Day back at MG and it was lovely to see 4M and the rest of the cohort. It was a pity that Red Bowl and Niang Dou Foo were closed ): (AC food sucks balls ): )
 IMG_5724268549_10204662365547379_9147593061916725424_nIMG_5811  IMG_5925IMG_5721IMG_5705 IMG_5711    IMG_5747IMG_5772 IMG_5786IMG_5776IMG_5775   IMG_5701IMG_5789  (even met Ian Chan’s sister) IMG_5796  IMG_5818 IMG_5824 IMG_5826 IMG_5839 IMG_5862 IMG_5921  IMG_5930 IMG_5950 IMG_5951 IMG_5970 (<- and this shit i have to deal w everyday. RUDE) 

IMG_5660 (<-but its okay bc I have her who is NICE) 

 

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Weak af

It’s been a hectic few days but I am thankful that its the long weekend. Since I last left you off with the week recap, much has happened.

warning: its going to be a long chunk of words

Was excited to go to school on Friday bc i really really wanted to donate blood. Passed the medical screening test but almost didn’t get to donate because the veins in my right arm were too small. Thankfully, the ones in my left scraped through the test the nurse inflicted on my arm through a series of squeezing and rubbing techniques. Managed to donate 450ml!! But developed a fever after that and they had to throw away my blood.

I didn’t think much of this fever..I asked my dad to pick me up from school and came home to sleep. I even skipped training the next day. But it started to go downhill from there bc during gym on Monday I kind of ‘fainted’. I got really dizzy and stuff. Got home and slept and went for Tuesday morning run (in my defence, I felt a whole lot better and the run programme wasn’t that vigorous) – big mistake. Felt weak af during morning assembly and was so dizzy I couldn’t get up and had to be escorted to the sick bay, with Mdm Choong gripping onto me in case I fell. I couldn’t even go home bc I had chinese oral consult after school and oral was the next day. Felt terrible on Wednesday morning but as oral drew closer, I got better. I really thought I was alright but during gym on Thursday it happened again and I felt like my eyes were gonna rotate backwards into my head and my hands were shaking and ugh.

It sucked so bad to feel so weak and incapable of controlling my own fricking body parts. Went to the doctor and got a one week MC which was shit. Last week’s programme was fun. ANYWAY MC is over and back to training and yey, just need to stop my hands and legs from shaking.

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Clear Skies

প্রেমে

And just like you said,

it was best that we cleared the haze,

causing no blockage in the sky,

so that we could avoid a crash.

 

I’ve been beating my mind up about you

ever since my hearts hasn’t shut up about wanting you.

My laughs weren’t substantial, 

salt water constantly refilled in my eyes,

I held a constant gaze into the nothingness.

 

But just as easily as I could fall into you,

I know I can make myself fall out.

And it’s definitely better like this,

me, you, 

no us,

because your lips were made for greater creatures,

and my lungs made for fresh air.

And just like everything was before,

tonight, I have convinced myself,

thankfully with your help,

that it’ll be okay.

 

Everything will be okay. 

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Parts of you I do not understand

PART1: School has returned to its original rigour, maybe even more demanding than before. Results are being returned, tutorials are starting to pile up, the canoeing exco has been kicked into gear.

And yet, I feel like everything and everyone is so foreign. I do not know these people. These people that are being associated with me as ‘classmates’ or ‘teammates’. I do not know how these people think. I do not know what these people like or dislike. I do not know how to behave around these humans. Do the things I do piss them off the way some things some people do irritate the hell out of me? Your thoughts are foreign to me and I don’t know how I feel about that.

You may say it is because we haven’t spent that much time together. But it has been 6 months as a class, 6 months as a team. We’ve been through Fun O Rama together, we’ve been through canoe camp and june trainings together. If that is not enough time, is time even a player in this match? Or are we blocking each other out?

PART2: Everyone has issues, it is part and parcel of life. So what if i’m in SC1? So what if I’m captain? (This could potentially be interpreted as being arrogant and full of myself.) But what if it was from the aspect of: So what if my parents aren’t together anymore? So what if I lost an important part of my life when I was 14? So what if I used to suffer from anxiety attacks? So what if my relationship with God is strained because of such minute reasons that seem so indescribably immature? So fucking what? You continue with life? What if deep down I despise living? I detest the thought of putting myself through such torture, can I just give up? What if I realise how SHIT my life is? It isn’t all that glamorous, but you fucking pick yourself up and stop worrying. Didn’t God say He has a plan for you and all those holy words. I’m sorry I’m not as religious as I used to be but aren’t we supposed to trust in Him? Why do I want to continually threaten my mind with thoughts of my dark past?

PART3: People are so fucked up. The human mind is a curious creature, really. Why do people act a certain way? Is it because they were brought up like this? Or perhaps they are trying to attract someone’s attention? Are we unconsciously driven to commit such abhorred acts?  

PART4: The barriers you put up are harder to overcome than you think. You built your walls so high that it becomes impossible to befriend you. Only if you are interested in making acquaintance with someone will you let your barricades down ever so slightly? Is this how you want to make friends? Are the success of these friendships up to you? What about the people around you?

 

I need a break from JC. I need a break from unfamiliarity. I want to go home. (but i also want to make you my home). 

 

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I have so much to tell you

June’s been a long month, and so many things have happened but I haven’t had the time (or the patience, really) to sit down and draft out this post. BUT I HAVE DONE IT (applause) AND HERE IT IS.  (I hope you don’t get bored reading it haha (-: )

IMG_3061 IMG_3068 IMG_3160 IMG_3206  IMG_3212 

Finally back in class after not seeing most of them for a month….I feel like I have a love-hate relationship with my class. Sometimes I can’t wait to see them, sometimes I detest the thought of seeing them (but once I actually do come into contact with them, all is well and I love them again). Also, this relationship only exists in my own imagination ?? (does this even make sense?) Bottom line is, I wouldn’t trade 1SC1 for any other class in a million years. 

IMG_3372 IMG_3408 IMG_3410 IMG_3425 IMG_3475 IMG_3973 IMG_4165 IMG_4610 IMG_4621 IMG_4753There is only one word to describe CANOE CAMP and all things canoeing. FUN. (or maybe MEMORABLE or maybe TIRING or maybe UNFORGETTABLE or maybe there isn’t just one word that can describe canoeing ha). Its going to be an interesting journey, I hope it goes smoothly. Slowly, you start to acclimatize to everyone’s quirks and it becomes a part of you too and thats probably what I love about this canoeing team. 

IMG_4815 IMG_4886 IMG_4907 IMG_4908 IMG_4967 IMG_5031 IMG_5034 IMG_5055 IMG_5123 IMG_5125 IMG_5200 IMG_5101 IMG_5228

The past week was basically spent trying to make up for all the fun I missed during the June Holidays.

Monday, went out with THEZOO for present shopping.

Tuesday was hectic af. Went to school for PW then had to rush home to bathe and meet theJIEMEIS for ICESKATING and 22 JUMP STREET and llaollao. wew. 

Wednesday had training and team lunch!

Thursday was CLASS OUTING TO SENTOSA. Never had so much fun on a beach before. NO regrets getting into the water whatsoever. 

 

i hope you had a good week 

 

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I Like You

You know those small things that people do that instantly boosts your mood, and makes your happy-day-meter shoot sky high…. been taking note of some of the things that people have done that have made me feel all happy and tingly inside for the past few weeks and here are my pick-me-ups/ cheap thrills(?):

1. When someone asks how your day was

2. When someone wants to get past you but you’re blocking the way, and they put their hand on your waist to shift you a bit

3. When someone sees you’re down and instantly offers a hug

4. When someone talks to you like they’re really interested in having a conversation with you and not just because you texted them first or because they talked to you for a specific purpose

5. When I look up at you and you smile back or make a disgusted face (just signs of affection really…)

6. When someone says we’re close and I think so too

7. Saying the exact same thing as people at the same time bc you’re just that alike

8. When someone calls to talk or just to have a short 5 minute conversation (surprise calls are the best)…1 hour conversation are great too

9. When someone sees a sad tweet you tweeted and asks whats up

10. When your want to become good friends with a someone is reciprocated

11. When someone sees you capsized and doesn’t go ‘ugh i have to save her again’ but laughs about the fact that you capsized

12. SKINSHIP hah a ahha haha ahahha

Update
(12/7/14)

13. When people call me ‘nik’ or ‘nikass/nikash’ instead of ‘nicole’

(24/7/14)

14. When someone knows you
one time my class chair asked on the class chat if I had any medical conditions like respiratory problems etc, and for some reason i wasn’t able to reply. So Denise told him ‘yes!! She has asthma’ ……It’s like the aww SHE KNOWS ME feeling…..yknow?

(18/12/15)
18. Edwin felt my forehead burning up an he gave me panadol but I couldn’t remember. The next day he told me and the first thing I asked was WAS IT BABY PANADOL?? and he nodded bc he knew…..

(7/9/14)

15. When someone makes an effort to call out to you to say bye/hi.

The other day, I was walking out of school and as I was walking through the carpark I saw my classmate running on the track during his training and for a split second I contemplated shouting his name and saying bye (so unconventional of me), but decided against it bc it might affect his sprinting. But as I reached the concourse, I heard someone shout ‘BYE NIK’ and I turned and it was him!
I didn’t realise how such a simple gesture could brighten up my day so much.

16. When someone says they enjoy reading my blog
(actually, even if they just mention reading it or make some sort of reference to it, I’ll light up)

(6/10/14)
17. When people aren’t afraid to text twice.
Like  when you’re texting someone and they’re not like ‘oh I replied already, I’m not gonna say anything else until you reply’.

One) either they said something unreliable and try to make up for it a few minutes later <<<this i find adorable or
Two) They replied, but you haven’t, but somewhere along the way something came up and they had to tell you about it, so they just text you again (in a non obsessive way)