Guess what gay thing I did this time. Been watching Youtubers eat healthy and I have been INSPIRED. Decided that I would do my body some justice and some detoxing.
SO on Sunday, I dragged my mom down to the Thomson Plaza NTUC and bought a bunch of healthy (somewhat) ingredients that are going to sustain me this week. To start off this ‘defying-laws-of-nicole’s-stomach-and-attempting-to-be-healthy-week’, I made PIZZA BREAD for lunch !!!! and got hungry so made a smoothie for tea !!!
Greek Yogurt (I got strawberry flavoured cause natural is BORINGZ)
WASH YOUR FRUITS PEOPLE. IT IS IMPORTANT TO WASH YOUR FRUITS. (except I didn’t wash my banana bc WHO WASHES THEIR BANANAS)
THROW EVERYTHING IN AND BLENDDDDD
Shredded Chicken Breast
Tomatoes (blended for base)
yayy for being healthy hahahahah idk how long this is gonna last but hahahhaa okaybye
You can hide, hold all your feelings inside
You could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry
And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday
People tell me that I’m crazy, I’m loud and I’m fun – the traits of an extrovert. I initiate conversation when people don’t know what to talk about. I don’t shun to corners of rooms at gatherings. Even the test they conducted in school explicitly stated that I am an extrovert. Am I really though?
I really do enjoy the fun that comes from social interaction. But I just feel like JC is making me less and less interested in interacting with the humans surrounding me. Its already so noisy all around me that my inner need to communicate and socialize shrivels up to the size of a raisin. I just want to mope in one corner.
Am I PMSing or am I intimidated by the fact that I am not funny enough to make people laugh?
Getaway trip to Vietnam last week. Was there for a total of 5 days (Mon- Fri). It was a good break from all the commotion I guess but there’s not much to do there and now that I’m back, I’m feel slightly overwhelmed. But anyway, here are some of the things I saw/ate/decided to pose with. Enjoy the pictures (-:
It’s noisy up here – in my head.
I’m not sure if I come across as anti social when I sit there and stare into space. I usually don’t realise the silence that is prevalent in the car rides with my mum. But when I actually do realise, it seems like the silence was non-existent because all this while I feel like I’ve been talking. How do I even begin to articulate this? Its like I’ve been talking in my head, to myself. What do I even talk to myself about? Unfortunately, I am unable to tell you because God forbid my ability to remember what I’ve just thought about a mere 5 seconds ago. My short term memory is magnified these days and I find myself wondering what I was about to do after I decide on doing it 10 seconds before. These are the kind of things that make me feel overwhelmed. Like why is my brain clouded with so many things that I can’t even focus and recall my own thoughts?
I feel like with JC life, CCA, social media, family and friends, everything is too hectic. I am frazzled and thoughts are constantly drifting in my mind, colliding and conforming. Slowly, I begin to think like everyone else – cliche and predictable, even mundane. Most of the time my thoughts are fragmented (just like right now), a mass of fractions with no relevance. How do I even begin to source for the meaning of life if I can’t even remember what I had for dinner a couple of hours ago? (this is an exaggeration, I had really good duck rice and my tummy is satisfied, but you get what I mean)
Keeping up with things that happen in real time (e.g. school/ cca) is a challenge because even keeping up with chats on whatsapp is already too demanding for me. Does this even make sense? Where is the balance in everything?
And its not like a need a break from everything, because I had that (time in Vietnam). If you take a break, everything will be too overwhelming when you return, and everything is just gonna come cascading down. The foreboding stack of test papers still sits in the corner of my study, awaiting my unprepared mind to attempt it. Menacing notes are just dying to be read and yet I am not ready. I am not ready to delve into the whirlpool of studying because my mind is drowning in my own thoroughly useless information.
I just need time.
“Isn’t it weird how people change and grow apart and stop talking and then one day you see this person who you swore you were going to be friends with forever and you can barely think of a thing to say and it finally hits you that somewhere along the way, your friendship dimmed and you will probably never be close to that person again. I think that’s one of the saddest things I’ve come to terms lately.”
I’m sorry for not trying hard enough.