It Mattered…

“The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will.” 

John Green



I Want Your High Love and Emotion

The week is almost coming to an end and so far its been a good week. I feel like JC life is passing too damn fast, I don’t even have time to soak up the moments and just enjoy like its already Thursday?!!!?!

RECAP: Monday…(I can’t even remember what happened….)…training was slightly demoralizing cause I was disappointed with my 3km strength test run timing. Tuesday had food poisoning which kinda sucked but it was a good break from school. Wednesday we went to OCS! It was fun but really hot and sweaty. ImageImage

Came back to school and gymmed with Zhi Kai, Tiak, Dick Wen, Aliff, Lisa and Ruth!!!! Gymming without coach’s timing to adhere to is so much more fun.



{ANYWAY, its been a roller coaster week…I feel so overwhelmed with emotions from all aspects and yet I feel so deprived of them. Maybe I’m deprived of emotion from other people but I don’t know… Can’t find the words to articulate how I feel anymore. I need someone to talk. And there are people who are so incredibly nice and are all in the htht mood and talking it out with me but I’ve run out of words to say. And I still feel like there’s something nagging at me. What do I do now?}


reading this post it sounds like this week kinda sucked??? hahaha i had fun though

they’re no you 


I Think About You, Quite A Lot

“To be completely honest,

I had my doubts that my mind would ever shut up about you

from the very first time that I met you.

You sat next to me,

and I felt tickles up and down my spine.

You looked at me,

and I heard birds in my mind.

You smiled at me,

my heart ached.


I hadn’t felt this way in a long time,

many a time this ‘feeling’ led to disappointment,

– cold, hard, and strong.

We became friends, (and I’m ever so glad)

You told me not to wear my heart on my sleeve,

I told you not to be afraid to love and trust.

We were total opposites,

in our mindset of love, truth, and grief.

As of now,

all I can do is long.

Long for you:

your hand in mine,

your heart for me,

your lips on my forehead as you bid me goodnight.

I want you to bring me close,

(unlike how you do now – in a platonic way),

and let me hear your heartbeat below your chest bone.

I want to love you,

better than you were ever loved.

I want you to love me,

like you’ve never been in love before.


It doesn’t help that you were hurt before,

a searing tear that I know even I don’t have enough to fill.

I say that you deserve somebody better.

Better than her,

– seemingly, better than me.


And so,

if you ever fall for somebody else,

I want to promise you that I will catch you if she doesn’t.

I don’t want you to scape your tan knees against concrete pavements anymore.

If you ever fall for somebody else,

I’ll try to love the other parts of you that she can’t,

so maybe you can feel whole again,

even if just for a moment.”





Finally, a break. But its not a break from school because I’m still swimming in a puddle of work to do. Been so overwhelmed with work and training and school and everything that I feel like I’m in limbo.

BUT ANYWAY, had like a one hour ++ phone call with thekneesyo last night and I realized how much I miss her and the zoo and MG and everything not JC. Yknow, that feeling when you’re yourself 100%, no front, no fake laugh or trying to be someone you’re not so  people MIGHT want to be your friend. It felt good to be completely raw and genuine and talk about everything that has happened thus far.

With some people you’re high and gay, with others you’re serious, I think you’re truly you when you can be both interchangeably in a matter of seconds with one person

I can be your addiction if you want to get hooked on me


Everything’s better when I’m with YOU

Saturday. What a wonderful Saturday.

Went down to Macritchie in the morning to do up my paddle grip and watched the team run the killer route while doing the intensity thing…I died watching them. Also, it was Augustine’s, a J3, last training with us before he books in tmr. Army no sweat for canoeist lah. (;

Really one of the nicest J3s (even though I was scared of him at first ha) Image


Popiah party/gathering thing was also organized for my not-so-birthday and thankful for everyone who came. Adults basically came for the peranakan popiah. ImageImage


So glad THE ZOO finally had time to catch up. I haven’t had so much fun in a long time.  I miss you guys.


(can we just take a second to appreciate the fact that my wrist + forearm DOES NOT look FAT)ImageImageImageImage




I’m only me when I’m with you 



The Girl Who

2 posts in 2 days? I am on a roll haha. Lying in bed cause I have a fever and everywhere aches but I can’t fall asleep ): I remember reading a post on Kim’s blog about traits a girl should possess. Anyway, here are some of the points I feel are really important in life (not that the others aren’t, but these few struck a chord with me) 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/isla-sofia/2014/04/the-50-best-qualities-a-modern-girl-should-have/ (the link if you want to read the other traits) 

1. Be the girl who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself, who still manages to pull off the worst of jokes, and can effortlessly brighten a room with the sound of her laughter.

3. Be the girl who is comfortable in her own skin; the girl that doesn’t let her insecurities stand in the way of her happiness. Be the girl who knows it’s okay to have insecurities but it’s not okay to give those insecurities the power to eat away at her.

7. Be the girl who knows how to choose her battles wisely. Be the girl who will fight for what she believes in, but not fight for the sake of fighting.

8. Be the girl who knows how to apologize for her mistakes. Be the girl who refuses to apologize for her feelings, beliefs, or morals.

12. Be the girl who is humble in her achievements.

14. Be the girl unafraid to sing at the top of her lungs, even if it’s off key. Be the girl willing to dance like an idiot without fear of what others will think.

16. Be the girl who is smart enough to know when it’s time to let something or someone go.

18. Be the girl who is compassionate and empathetic; who will lend a hand when she can to a complete stranger, and who will listen without a judgmental ear.

21. Be the girl who knows how to forgive. Be the girl who knows how to gracefully accept an apology. Be the girl who, when she accepts an apology, doesn’t bring the issue up again at a future time in an unrelated fight.

29. Be the girl who gives other people the benefit of the doubt.

37. Be the girl who is kind to everyone, not just her equals or superiors.

41. Be the girl is playful. Be the girl who knows the appropriate times to be serious and to have fun.

46. Be the girl who learns from the past. Be the girl who does not dwell on what she did or didn’t do, but accepts it for something she cannot change.