Its wednesday! Mid week joy from tmr being labour day holiday. (Guess what, still going back to school tar). It was CA week the week before and I’m was so unprepared it wasn’t even funny. I feel like I’m just drifting though life, struggling to get through each day. ((this isn’t a very optimistic post, the title is misleading))

[WEEKLY STRUGGLES] Now we have training on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays which means that by the time I get home, the sky is pitch black. On Tuesdays we have morning runs so theres no extra time to sleep in ): Training actually takes up so much time and energy that when I sit down to try and study, ITS SUCH A PAINFUL TASK. My brain is rarely engaged in class and its even worse at home.  And on days with no training, I end at 430/ 310 that by the time I’m home, its already evening. Im barely home while the sky is still bright and I can consider the time of day – afternoon. Even Mdm asked why I still train so often when season is over. But honestly, I think canoeing is such a fun sport that the thrills I get from training overweighs the pain and drawbacks of this sport.

[TODAY] Went out into the lanes in my Tiger + seat for the first time today. Capsize count: 7 but finally getting my balance…somewhat? hahah it was slightly exhilarating. Everyone had to do 60 pull ups at the end of trng within the time limit of 22 minutes. STRUGGLED but super grateful for my teammates who are always so supportive and caring. Super grateful for the seniors who cheered us on, motivated us and made us laugh when we were down. Also super motivated to do well in this sport because I know its something I can excel in (except that I’m slightly demoralized because of the grand seniors lack of faith in me haaaaa). BUT WHATEVER, TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY, THE DAY AFTER THAT IS A NEW DAY…there are numerous opportunities to improve.

Its amazing what encouragement can do for your self esteem and mentality towards certain issues. And therefore, I am EXTREMELY appreciative of all the people that encouraged me today.

The weeks are passing so quickly, its May tmr. But didn’t April just start? How did a month pass so quickly?!

ps sorry this post is so messy and disorganized…..my thoughts are all over the place rn



On This Shitty Day

Hello….today has been a very disgusting day and I’m glad its coming to an end. I can’t even begin to describe how mentally and physically exhausted I feel.

1. Woke up with a stomach ache and had freaking diarrhea.

2. Which meant that I was kinda running late. And I couldn’t find my freaking socks so I ran around like a lunatic.

3. To make things worse, had to carry the paddle down to the car and my life jacket which was all dangly.

4. Reached the car and hit the edge of the car door against my shin

5. Got into the car and hit my head on the mirror

6. During water training, it started to rain so we had to pack up. IT WAS SO DISORGANISED.

7. Got punished because someone dropped a boat on top of a boat. 200 hundred push ups. But thank god coach changed some to other sets.

8. Feeling super inefficient and not on task as IC this week cause I couldn’t rmb the abs set and a bunch of other stuff :/

8. Didn’t bring home my file because someone else took it….

9. Got home and tried to get something out of the fridge. When I stood up, hit my head on the base of the freezer




Emotional Overload

I blame it on PMS but obviously its not. How can I PMS 24/7. Maybe I’m stressed, maybe I’m tired or maybe I just lack control over my emotions. 

Everyone laughs. Some people laugh gently, some laugh till their shoulders vibrate and there isn’t any sound escaping their lips. BUT I, I LAUGH LIKE SOME MANIAC. AN UNATTRACTIVE MANIAC AND I CANT CONTROL IT. Maybe I can, but I subconsciously choose to let the happiness and delight erupt. But then I laugh so incredibly much that afterwards I feel like the energy has been sucked out of me. I overdo it. Its the extreme ends of the spectrum and theres no in between. Like they always say when you’re a kid, “don’t overdo it (laugh and play), later tonight you’ll get nightmares.” 

Is this an issue or is this normal? I feel like its so superficial and ridiculous but I can’t keep going from laughing like an unattractive hyena in the morning to a black faced sian grumps at the end of the day. Even Mr K was like ‘are you okay min en? you’re not your usual bubbly self’ EVEN MY TEACHER COULD PICK IT UP THEN VERY JIALAT RIGHT. (or maybe my face just very black lol)

stop overdoing it, stop being possessive, be open