How old are you? I’m 16. That is to say, I have not yet lived even half the life I am supposed to live (disregarding the fact that I may contract some terminal illness or get gruesomely killed in some unforeseen event along the way- touchwood), but that’s besides the point. If I have not lived half my life, why am I so concerned about the current sufferings of a meagre teenager?
How many adults are able to tell you: Yes, I am in contact with more than 10 of my primary or even secondary school friends OR that their secondary school shenanigans has contributed to a crucial part of their current hectic adult life.
We live in a cruel world. The society condemns you for the trivial ‘crimes’ you committed when you were 8 years old, sitting at the back of the class, playing with who you thought was to be your eternal best friend because she listened to your orders like an obedient puppy dog. Society labels you, and sticks it on your unknowing back, too far from reach, like those ‘kick me’ signs. Removing it would be as hard a task as trying to lick your elbow, and futile. You have been labelled. And it is to follow you throughout your entire school life because you continue your education in the same school, with the same prejudice schoolmates, now even more menacing than before having gone through puberty. There will always be someone running on raging hormonal jealousy or whatever it is that causes them to criticize your every action based on your assigned label.
You are now no longer that popular kid you used to be in primary school, ranking 4th in the Most Popular In Class list. Oh no, secondary school is likened to a savanna or a tropical rainforest. You fight ferociously as the lions do, trying to attain alpha male status. You fight for your life as the trees do, trying to reach for the sunlight. Blocking the other tinier trees from the much needed sunlight, as the canopy layer does, is no big feat for you and your clique. In fact, it is a survival tactic.
I’m not saying that your current teenage life is meaningless, but I am constantly thinking about the intimidating yet endless possibilities I can delve into once I have ventured into the uncharted waters of what they call, Junior College, next year. The thought makes one convulse.
Nevertheless, its a refreshing, new start. Despite the prevalent dangers of heavy workloads, falling in love or not being accustomed to JC life, it is still a new start. You get to adopt a new, different, more interesting persona. You get to be whoever you wish to be – the popular girl, the nerd, the jock, the leader. All you have to do is shed your previous skin and you can elude anyone you want to.
The worries of a hormonal teenage girl would include:
Her false perceptions of love. Why is it, it seems so perfect in the movies (ignoring the fact that it is of course a movie)? Why can’t she experience love like in the movies? No jealousy, no need to worry about him having commitment issues (unlike those of Chandler of course, even then, they don’t seem as bad as the ones in real life), no need to feel anything when she realizes he likes every other girls’ pictures except hers (problems you only encounter in real life, haha ridiculous). Why are they so awkward in real life? Are they too young? Is sixteen not mature enough to be in relationships, especially when her parents are so adamant to the fact that maybe she might be mature enough (they are probably right anyway). And the whole, why wasn’t she the person she wanted to be, already explained in this post: Everything Has Changed (last year’s June, this year’s June, its all a blur) https://downinthedirt.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/everything-has-changed-last-years-june-this-years-june-its-all-a-blur/
Then there is the entire popularity/ friend issue that haunts her because things are not what it used to be. Change is terrifying but inevitable. People changed and learnt to adapt to new characters. Yet she remained stuck in her hole, unwilling to evolve, and now she’s that weirdo.
But this is all secondary school. Is there hope that this girl, so inadequate, will be good enough in JC? Will life stop being a routine of torturous torment for the soul? Will the constant taunting of the fact that 14 year olds have more of a life than she does, stop? Maybe the day she is willing to put herself out there will come soon, then maybe she wouldn’t always be living between the lines that keep her in labelled boundaries.
I’m sad and I don’t know how to get rid of this damn emptiness